The Journey of a Thousands Miles Begins with One Step

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, by Lao Tzu. This is such a deep and powerful statement. I found a ring that has this quote inscribed on it.  I am wearing it as a reminder of where I have been.. but more importantly where I am going.  I am hoping to use my experiences, both positive and negative, to help other women like me.  I believe that it is both my positive and maybe even more so my tragic experiences that have not only made me a stronger person but also made me appreciate my life that much more.  Sure, I could be bitter and angry... and of course I have experienced those emotions.  I hate it.. it makes me feel terrible.  But I have healed and feel like I have grown to be a better person.

 I realize that I control my perspective and how I react to life.  Sometimes I literally made myself get out of bed and forced myself to face the world.  It was the hardest thing to do... to put one foot in front of the other instead of putting my head under the covers.  It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  But it is very important to try as best as you can to have a positive outlook.  It is normal to be devastated if a cycle is canceled or your lab work isn't what you expected it would be or there aren't as many follies as you would like.  Take the time to grieve the way you need to and deal with your emotions.  If you need to lay in bed and sleep all day.. DO IT!  But set limits for yourself and look at the positive in each day that you have.  And when I say look.. I mean it... seek it out, search for it, create it, even if it is something small! 

 So often when one door closes another door (or two) opens.  I know for me I went through 5 doctors and it wasn't until doctor number 4 that I actually found out what was wrong with me... I think that was around the 3 1/2 year mark.  I was devastated when doctor number 4 closed the door because she said they don't do IVF on patients with high FSH.  I was devastated.. the door didn't only close.. it slammed shut!  I guess I was naive but up until this point I didn't know that a doctor could or would turn me away from treatment, after all I have insurance!  I had a whole bunch of emotions that were not so positive.  I realized that I could let that stop me in my tracks... or I could keep going.  Right, I could keep going... well of course I could, there were still 1 or 2 doctors in the area that I hadn't seen yet ;-).  Soooo on the phone I was armed with new information.  Yet another step in my journey....

I can't do it alone.. I need support (we all do)!

It is so important for us to surround ourselves with a positive support system throughout our lives and in particular with infertility. Infertility is one of the areas that we need the most support but often times don’t ask for or seek out support because of the stigma and shame associated with it. This was really highlighted to me this morning in a “non-infertility” situation.

We are doing a weight loss challenge at work as a group. I decided to be part of the group even though I only wanted to lose 5 pounds because I felt like being a part of the group would help me to achieve my real goal which was to start exercising again. So far it has worked and I am incorporating exercise into my life each week. BUT that is not the point here! I was in charge of logging each person’s progress this morning. One of the participants got on the scale and lost several pounds from the week prior. What a BIG accomplishment! Of course, I told her how wonderful she was doing as a matter of habit almost. She in turn responds, “It is because I have had such wonderful support that I have been able to accomplish my goals”. That really made me stop and think for a minute about how much our words and actions can really help (or in the reverse destroy) someone’s confidence to achieve their goals. As a group we have supported her in ways that we probably don’t even realize. In turn she has found the strength within herself to accomplish these goals. Therefore, I am adding to my lessons learned list that I have learned that….…. I cannot do it alone! I need to solicit support, recognize all the ways in which I am supported in my life and acknowledge when I receive it.

My support system can help me to....

• Just get through the day (or maybe even the hour)
• Help me to see a different side of the situation that I didn’t see because I was too close to it
• Lead me through my journey through their knowledge and personal journey
• Be there to listen to me vent and blow off steam and at the end say nothing at all
• Give me a hug, a pat on the back OR a swift kick in the butt
• Tell me I look nice today when I feel a mess on the inside

Who are the people that you get support from?

Lessons Learned from Infertility

I learned...

• Infertility can happen to anyone.. at all ages
• Struggling with infertility actually has made me a stronger person
• Patience
• Sometimes no matter how hard you try to, you can't control what happens in life
• To appreciate what I have and to not take for granted my family
• To put things in perspective
• Sometimes doctors don't have all the answers
• There is still so much unknown about infertility
• Infertility affects LOTS of people
• Insurance coverage needs to be changed to include infertility diagnosis & treatment
• That the emotional pain is so much worse than the needles (even the huge ones for progesterone-ouchie!)
• What sacrifice really is
• That once you have dealt with loss and IF, you never are worry free even when you do get pregnant
• Lots of new terminology like follicles, estrogen, FSH, progesterone, LH, cysts
• To not look too far in the future..sometimes minute by minute, hour by hour and day but day is good enough!
• I need support from others.. I can't do it on my own (added 8/31)

This is going to be a work in progress.. so I will continue to add to this post.  Feel free to send me your updates and I will add them to OR you can add them to the comments below.

My hope is that through research, advances in medicine will help more and more women realize their dreams.... but I have to say infertility taught me a lot of lessons in life that I probably would have never known.

Finding A Voice for Infertility

The Self article, "Breaking the Silence on Infertility" by Jennifer Wolff Perinne gave me the push that I needed to start this blog.  Please take a few minutes to read this article. 

I have experienced infertility for over 5 years.  There is a certain guilt associated with infertility.  Women seem to find refuge in sharing information anonymously in forums and blogs (like this) but can't share their experience with their closest family and friends.  I do understand...

I felt like I needed to get support from my family and friends and when I tried to explain the frustrations of treatment and my progress or lack of progress the conversation turned into an advanced science lesson about reproduction... what is a follicle, why does it matter that your estrogen wasn't increasing the way it should, etc.  I ended up feeling like I was providing the support and spending so much time just explaining.  This was NOT what I needed! 

For the first few years I didn't talk to the women that were sitting next to me in the waiting rooms even though they were going through exactly what I was.  After awhile I started to meet the women that I was sitting next to and across from.  I started to form a support system with these women.  We encouraged each other, we spoke the same language and we shared information.  How can we better support each other in our journey?  As tough as it is, we need to create a support system, whatever that may be.  We need to take control. 

Please share here what worked for you and what did not work for you.