How Do You Refer to Infertility?

Am I infertile?  I hate to use that term... I think that is a term that comes with an implication of failure or the inability to EVER conceive. 

But how do we refer to each other in conversations about infertility?  I start to say "women experiencing infertility" but I don't like the sound of that.  It is not a single experience.. it is by definition at least a 12 month struggle to reach the clinical definition of infertile.  But from the beginning of your TTC journey until the 12 month point the doctor really won't "do" anything because there is nothing to "do" as there is no problem.  Then at 12 months you are sort of thrown into this whole new category called "infertility".  Your world is turned even more upside down than the prior 12 months of trying to conceive.  Now you know there is a problem but exactly what is the problem?  Many won't know yet because you most likely didn't necessarily "do" anything more because there was technically nothing wrong. 

Infertile is a label, a tag, an identity to me that implies that you must deal with the cards that you are dealt and we all know it is more than that. There are in some cases things we can do to increase our chances of getting pregnant... yes expensive, time consuming and painful but there are options.  I do recognize that some of us will never conceive, that is the reality of "infertility". But the diagnosis of infertility is not necessarily the end of the road.

I see so many people refer to infertility as a journey hence the title "My Hopeful Journey" which, by the way, is more about trying to help others with their journey vs. a play by play of mine!  I think I just answered my own question.  When I refer to women and infertility I think I will say... "going through the journey called infertility".  That seems to make sense to me.

The Journey of a Thousands Miles Begins with One Step

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, by Lao Tzu. This is such a deep and powerful statement. I found a ring that has this quote inscribed on it.  I am wearing it as a reminder of where I have been.. but more importantly where I am going.  I am hoping to use my experiences, both positive and negative, to help other women like me.  I believe that it is both my positive and maybe even more so my tragic experiences that have not only made me a stronger person but also made me appreciate my life that much more.  Sure, I could be bitter and angry... and of course I have experienced those emotions.  I hate it.. it makes me feel terrible.  But I have healed and feel like I have grown to be a better person.

 I realize that I control my perspective and how I react to life.  Sometimes I literally made myself get out of bed and forced myself to face the world.  It was the hardest thing to do... to put one foot in front of the other instead of putting my head under the covers.  It is not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  But it is very important to try as best as you can to have a positive outlook.  It is normal to be devastated if a cycle is canceled or your lab work isn't what you expected it would be or there aren't as many follies as you would like.  Take the time to grieve the way you need to and deal with your emotions.  If you need to lay in bed and sleep all day.. DO IT!  But set limits for yourself and look at the positive in each day that you have.  And when I say look.. I mean it... seek it out, search for it, create it, even if it is something small! 

 So often when one door closes another door (or two) opens.  I know for me I went through 5 doctors and it wasn't until doctor number 4 that I actually found out what was wrong with me... I think that was around the 3 1/2 year mark.  I was devastated when doctor number 4 closed the door because she said they don't do IVF on patients with high FSH.  I was devastated.. the door didn't only close.. it slammed shut!  I guess I was naive but up until this point I didn't know that a doctor could or would turn me away from treatment, after all I have insurance!  I had a whole bunch of emotions that were not so positive.  I realized that I could let that stop me in my tracks... or I could keep going.  Right, I could keep going... well of course I could, there were still 1 or 2 doctors in the area that I hadn't seen yet ;-).  Soooo on the phone I was armed with new information.  Yet another step in my journey....

Petals Honoring Infant and Pregnancy Losses Today - October 15

October 15th is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day!  On Tuesday I read the post Reading Aloud on October 15th by afteriris.  She invited people to leave the names of those pregnancies and infants that they have lost so she can read them out loud in remembrance.  I thought this was such a wonderful sentiment to support others that have experienced such a painful loss. 

This post inspired me to do more.  Each day I remember my lost daughter in my own way, privately.  I wanted to do something to honor all the losses experienced by each and every one of you (including those that have never gotten a BFP because you experience loss as well).  Tonight I will be taking white rose petals, in honor of each of you and spreading the petals at my local pond.  I have invited others in my family to join me. 

Will you join me as well?  I bought a single white rose at my local grocery store florist but you can take a flower from your garden... if you don't have a pond close by... take the petals and throw them in the wind. Or do something else that is meaningful to you, light a candle, say a prayer, sing a song in remembrance, write a letter, post a poem or reading in "After Iris Reads Aloud" AND leave a comment here.

At times I think that I have become so strong in handling my losses until I speak (or type) about it.  It is still hard to not let the emotions take over completely!  I realize that I have learned to live with the pain fairly well, but it is always on the surface.  It is a part of me, it is part of what makes me who I am, I hate that I have had these experiences and I hate that so many of you have also.  But it is part of my journey and in the end it is the journey that I live.  I saw a poster this morning entitled “Journey” that said, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end”, by Ursula K. LeGuin.