Dear Fertile Friends and Family,
I want to say I am sorry! I am sorry for never seeing how my infertility impacted your lives. I didn't think about the far reaching impact. I only thought about how it impacted me and my husband directly.
To my parents, I didn't ever consider the fact that you might truly be grieving for a grandchild that you lost and may never have. I didn't imagine that you might have longed to see your grandchild's first birthday or Christmas. It didn't even cross my mind that you could be grieving for that in your life! I AM SORRY!
To my siblings, I also didn't realize that you might really want to have a niece or nephew and how that touched your lives.
For my friends, I dismissed the fact that my infertility could even impact you at all. We are friends and that is that. But that isn't true, I mean we are friends but it can't be taken for granted. I didn't recognize that we were disconnected in some ways because I was not a mother and you were. I am SORRY!
To my co-workers, (These people mostly fall in the family and friends category because I work with a great group of people... I consider them to be my family and my friends.) I know my infertility impacted you as well. I started to change as a person. I retreated and isolated myself from you, at times. I kept my infertility a secret because I didn't want to be treated different. If you did know about my infertility and loss, you were scared to tell me about your joys of becoming a grandparent or a mother yourself. I would never want to take away your happiness on something that is so important to you. I AM sorry!
To everyone above, I know that infertility has impacted you in so many ways without actually walking through the shoes of IF. I know that it is tough to see someone that you love and care about be in pain. I also know that you felt helpless in all of it. I know there were times that I got frustrated because you just didn't understand. You didn't understand what I was going through because you never went through it yourself. I hope this letter doesn't come to late. There are some relationships that could have been truly devastated by my infertility because of my inability to cope with it. I think I was able to see what was happening and finally make the changes necessary before it was too late.
Is there a relationship that has been significantly changed because of your infertility? Is there something that you can do today to help mend that relationship? Maybe you can pick up the phone, send a text, write a letter, extend the olive branch in some way to start to resolve a relationship that has been impacted.